my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize