Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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