I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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