i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
