i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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