i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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