All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize