Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
