I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
