We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
