im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
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