Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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