Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Terrible idea I love it
A bitchslap is in order.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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