very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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