What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I intend to get homeless drunk
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
