I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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