i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize