haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
