I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
