We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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