I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
