If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
