No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
