nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize