i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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