I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
