can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize