my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
