You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
