I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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