my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
