omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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