put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i think i have two assholes
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
