Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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