the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
