It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
