We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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