No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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