That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
