I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
