i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You made out with two different species that night
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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