I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
