I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
