don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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