Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
