I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
