Yo dont text me then not text me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
