and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.