It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.