Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.