My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him