Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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