3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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