chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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