and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Enjoy the penises
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
