a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
