I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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