my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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