i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
