Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
