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I CAN MOONWALK!
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
