windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
