I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I just want nice things and good sex
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
