I swear she didn't look like that last week.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
