Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
