I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My life is pants optional.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
