He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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