fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
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I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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