Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
