Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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